Day 5

TRUST

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a passage that I memorized early on in my new life in Christ, about twenty years ago. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

As a new believer God began the process of teaching me what it means to trust Him with all of my heart. I think this passage both appealed to and convicted me when I first encountered it. What does that look like, what does it mean and how do I do that? God, in His great mercy, allowed me to take baby steps, stumble, and try again, making me stronger each time--for two decades! God used trials and hardships in my both family and my walk with Him to show me His faithfulness, His unconditional love, and His forgiveness. Things like disappointment, miscarriage, depression, and bitterness are not too big for God, and He doesn’t waste them when we offer them to Him in humility.

Of course, in our walk with the Lord, we never cease to need His pruning and direction. God has been very close to me as my family and I have walked through this very unusual season--a season of loss, a season of confusion, and a season of heartache. To say I am grateful for His presence would be a great understatement. The peace in which He has allowed me to dwell is certainly beyond human understanding. On the morning of April 5, my mom was taken to the hospital mostly unresponsive. That would be the last time my dad saw my mom. I saw my mom ten days prior when I brought my dad home from a nursing facility. I’m thankful that that was a peaceful interaction. Most weren’t. My dad went to the hospital three days later. We couldn’t see either one of them, as the hospitals were not allowing visitors. We prayed that God would be so close to each of them. My mom passed away peacefully in her sleep on that Thursday; she never knew she was alone. She did not struggle, or panic, or suffer. The nurses gave her loving attention. I felt the Lord’s grace. Within a couple of weeks, my dad moved into a rehab facility. We still could not see him. But every conversation was gentle and kind--not words that would normally describe my dad. We saw God at work, and we chose to trust Him. We had an intimate funeral with my sister’s family and my own. My dad was able to watch and listen through a Facetime call. He was blessed by every part of it, and someone was there crying with him.  My sister and I have been able to help my dad in numerous ways, as he is still in a nursing home today. We have all been surprisingly blessed by this, and my dad has expressed his gratitude daily. We see God at work. We are choosing daily to trust Him, and wait for Him to make the next steps clear, even when they are only baby steps.

My Good Shepherd leads me. He does that in many ways, but primarily through His Word. He tells me in 1 Peter 5:7, to “Cast all my anxiety upon Him because He cares for me.” Because I know my God is close to the broken-hearted, I knew He was close to my dad, my sister, and me. (Psalm 34:18) Psalm 139:16 tells me “...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” This brings my heart great peace. The God I know and trust is Sovereign. The God I know is merciful and just. He was with my mom and gave me an undeniable peace that she is now WHOLE for the first time in her life. He is with my dad, whom we still cannot see, working in his heart in ways we could not imagine.  He is with my sister and me, giving us wisdom and strength as we take care of my dad’s affairs.

Because God has taught me to acknowledge Him in all things, I can see God’s hand in every part of this story. His Protection, as neither of my parents have suffered with this virus. His Presence, as He was with my mom and dad when my sister and I could not be. His Peace, which truly does surpass all understanding. I was testifying to the Lord’s goodness and mercy as I spoke to my aunts of my mom’s peaceful passing.  The Lord has led me in ways I could not have imagined. God’s word tells us “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,...” (Isaiah 55:8) I know I can trust my God, and because it is His will for me, I know He will help me to do that.

Prayer

Father God, my Good Shepherd, your word tells me to trust you. It is my heart’s desire, but there are times I struggle to make sense of the brokenness all around me. I confess that I take my eyes off of you and look at the storms around me. Please forgive me. I want to live as Proverbs 3:5-6 instruct me to, and I need your help to do so. It is in your Holy name I pray, amen.

Kim Peterson